‘Jurassic World: Rebirth’ Should Have Stayed Extinct

At a Glance: Rebirth is as much an affront to nature as the horrifying mutants it features, a paint-by-numbers trainwreck that suffers from tedious writing, phoned-in performances, and a lack of reverence for its prehistoric stars.

Jurassic Park, excuse me – Jurassic World – is a franchise that’s lived far past its expiration date. It began with one of the best movies ever put to film, but now languishes alongside other endlessly-milked IP and exploited for quick cash.

This continues to be the case with Jurassic World: Rebirth, the 7th entry into the Jurassic saga. This time, Gareth Edwards takes the reins and attempts to put his stamp on the film and, at least visually, he is mostly successful.

Edwards certainly tries his best, and there are some memorable sequences that clearly showcase his talent for monster-movie mayhem. A prolonged homage to Jaws, the Rex River sequence, and even the raptor-like Mutadon hunt are well executed and capture the spirit of horror and adventure that Jurassic Park is known for.

However, Edwards is not a script man, nor is he an actor’s director. Unfortunately, the studios will not allow for a two-hour dinosaur fest with zero human intrigue, and here-in lies the problem. The all-star cast includes Scarlett Johansson, Jonathan Bailey, and Mahershala Ali, all of which play under-baked, cookie-cutter characters.

Bailey and Ali at least attempt to make a meal of the scraps there given, but Johansson plays her role like she’s in a Disney+ Marvel series. She’s flat and, as the protagonist, her lack of charisma brings the film down immensely.

Then there’s the script, which is as bare bones as it is bloated. There’s an awfully long setup for a film whose selling point is mindless dinosaur action, and audiences might be a bit weary by the time the film lands us on generic Dinosaur Island #4. Once we’re there, it’s mostly fun, but not once is there a sense of real danger. You know exactly who will live and who will die, as the expendables might as well have “dino bait” signs hanging around their neck. Rebirth very much feels like being on a ride, as you can clearly see the tracks from start to finish.

If you don’t care about anything other than seeing dinosaurs, you’ll probably be satisfied with this film. If you’re hoping to feel even the slightest spark of cinematic wonder that the original gave you, I would recommend skipping out on this one.